JudoWolf.com

How many times have you doubted your abilities? We all do one time or another, but continue on. The phrase “doubting Thomas” was used by a saint who didn’t belief Jesus rose from the dead till he put his hands in his wounds. We hear things from people we don’t belief until we see it for ourselves. This is common, but there are people who don’t have to see it to belief it. When doubt creeps into our being its affect can be devastating and will not leave until a final solution has been reached. Reaching a major cross road in our life automatically comes with doubts. Some of these cross roads are; leaving home, going to college, getting married or divorced, having children, changing jobs or professions, and retiring. The majority of people get married so let’s take a closer look at the role doubt plays in the decision.

Two people decided to marry, set the date, and the arrangements start to take shape. The wedding day is the woman’s moment to shine and wants everything to be perfect, while the man just wants to get it over with and often doesn’t understand the woman’s perspective.  His concern is who is going to pay for this extravaganza. The woman’s anxiety increases daily as the date draws closer, which results in arguments and disagreements between the couple. Doubt starts to creep in and they wonder if marriage will change the partner and are they doing the right thing. Discussing it they conclude the wedding is the reason for the increasing anxiety and once it’s over normalcy will return.  Often doubt is eliminated after this discussion but in some it ignites fear of the unknown and starts second guessing. Some cannot shake this fear, get cold feet, call off the marriage, and feel they can survive being single even if they are in love. Others overcome the fear, get married, never get divorced, and leave doubt at the altar.

Why are some people able to go through the cross roads, while others become immobile. Many factors contribute to how we deal with doubt; how   we were brought up, where we were raised, socio economic background, number of siblings, an only child, intelligence, emotional stability, religious beliefs, and family relationships. Doubt cannot be measured, which makes it difficult to determine how people deal with it but we all have it. Some doubt everything, while others doubt something’s and when a cross road is encountered deal with the doubt and move on.

We know when doubt is walking around inside us – we feel him. He is the little person who tells us we cannot do certain tasks; hitting a baseball, getting married, changing professions, and reaching our goals. He attacks when we are tired, melancholy, frustrated, helpless, or when we have just failed. Doubt always tells us we should never have taken on this endeavor and going back to the old way will bring back our peace. It is easier to stick with what we know than venture into the unknown. He makes us second guest, third guest, and fourth guest ourselves even after the cross road has been left behind. Often he is the winner, but some persist and drive doubt away. This is a difficult task and each time we succeed it becomes easier to defeat doubt. But, make no mistake doubt will always be there working on us when we are most venerable – telling us the old way is the most comfortable.

With kindest regards, Judowolf