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She Did Not Die Alone

The older man closed the book, placed it on the nightstand, turned off the light and his mind settled on the name Becky. He was a medic in the Air Force when he met her – she was one, had leukemia and he cared for her till her death three years later. Becky hated treatment and associated it with any person wearing white making it difficult for the staff to care for her. This situation was alleviated when he was assigned her care during her admissions. As the years passed he was able to take her vital signs, feed her, change her diaper, but never held or comforted her.

Becky’s condition worsened and it became evident she was nearing death – her mother knew and rocked her for hours. He sat in the room providing emotional support to the mother, but was unable to relieve her as Becky would not let him hold her. The father was stationed overseas and was due to arrive that day, which was his day off – he attended a meeting at the hospital, was dressed in civilian clothes, and after the meeting went to check on Becky. The mother was rocking her and asked if he would hold Becky while she went and picked up her husband. Rising from the chair she passed Becky to him who immediately opened her eyes, looked up at him and then back toward her mother. She kissed Becky on the cheek told her she was going to get daddy and would be right back. Becky looked up at him whimpered for a few seconds and after sitting down, he began to rock, which brought her comfort. The mother hoped this would work as he was not wearing white and Becky knew him, which was a help.

Suddenly, she opened her eyes, looked up at him, breathed a sigh of relieve, and continued to drift away. He had been in the room when other patients died but always with the parents. This time it was on his shoulders as silence descended into the room, and he could feel dying standing in the corner watching.  A few minutes later he could feel Death standing over them as Becky took one last gasp, and was gone. He rocked her till her parents entered the room – looking at him they knew she was gone, and came over to the rocking chair. Standing he passed Becky to the mother and quietly left the room. A few days later Becky’s mother came to the hospital, thanked him, told him the exact time Becky died, and was glad she didn’t die alone.

Becky was the only child who died in his arms and he carries her around with him; she comes to visit occasionally at night right before sleep invades, her presence engulfs him with calmness, and he takes solace knowing he will not die alone. Rolling over he said good night to Becky.

With kindest regards, Judowolf