JudoWolf.com

Okay, here we go again. The last muse on relationships was a little disorganized – I know. This will be much easier as the subject is focused. What could I possibly write that would not include nicknames? I am sure I will come up with something. Yeah! Yeah! Here we go.

Nicknames are names that are not your real name but another name that is given to you by another person who may be a relative or more likely a friend. This name depending on the circumstances can be very nice or it can be derogatory depending on who has given this name to you. The name can be used in public if the derogatory connotation is not too bad, or in private if the connotation is bad, depending on the person who is using this nickname, if on the other hand the usage is because of the fact that it is a good nickname it can be used in public.

Boy that was good, look how long the sentences are and they are packed with tons of useful information and I didn’t deviate from the subject matter. I was thinking I could flood the rest of the page with all the nicknames I have had over the years but I don’t want to bother you with such trivia. It will be exciting with the nicknames I have given people over the years. We have to digress here for a minute. Whoa! Digress, what a beautiful word! Enough of that, I have to stay more focused on the subject at hand. It’s time to move on – let’s go.

Nicknames! I love to give them out. I have given out thousands. This is an exact science and there are strict rules to follow. For the amateurs among you the best resource book is called “Nicknames, The How, Why, And When Is the Best Time to Use Them, The Worst Time to Use Them, The Sometimes to Use Them A Few Common Nicknames, And Nicknames to Never Use. The authors name is Nick Names. Obviously this is a false name or should I say ghost name. You know what that is right? A person who wants to remain anonymous uses a false name which is not the same as a nickname. This book is chalk full of useless information. I highly, highly recommend it. Once completed, you will know the ins and outs of giving your friends and family nicknames. They will have them for a life time and will use them in public with pride. There is nothing more rewarding than when you are at the mall and your brother yells out, “Hey, Pork Barrel over here.” You reply, “Coming Chicken Legs.” This has two great benefits, people will be starring and they were used in public. Deep in their hearts these strangers will have great jealously for the deep love and affection you have for each other. This is one of the tremendous advantages of nicknames.

I would be a miss if I didn’t speak of some of the nicknames I have doled out over the years. After reading Mr. Nick Names book I realized that a few rules apply for different situation. Rule one is friends. Some friends like nicknames and others hate them. It has always been my philosophy to give friends nicknames who hated them.  Many of these in the past I based on the physical characteristics of the individual. Examples: Big Ears, Sagging Eye, Stick Man, Honker Nose, Little Head, Porker, Triple Lips, and Running Nose. These seem like Native American names and I have no doubt this is where I picked them up from. Those Native Americans sure knew what they were doing when it came to names. The second category is the person’s name. Examples: Gibble would be Dribble, Clovis would be Clovass, Fortin would be Fourteen, Farley would be Big Red, Nauman would be Newman, and my all time favorite Erickson would be Leaf. As you can see there is 100% pure logic in this category. Oh, I almost forgot a very crucial addendum to this muse. The use of bad words, you know words that offend people. Well, you know these words I’m referring too – the bad bad bad words – SWEAR WORDS. They have no place in our society, let alone in nicknames. This is the biggest taboo. We must never use these words when referring to another human being. Whoa! What just one minute, I swear like a Longshoreman. It’s not my fault at an early age I went “down the docks” with my dad and listened to them talk. No, that is not quite right. I listened to them swear and thought the F word was the same as love. Thanks Dad now I’m one sick puppy.  There is nothing worse than the F word. It is the curse of our society. People who say it should have their mouths washed out with soap. Yeah, but I still like it because it has so many usages. Think about it. You can use it many ways: F stick, go F yourself, Mother F-er, F head, I don’t give a F, What’s your F-ing problem and my favorite, F them and the horse they rode in on. As usual I am out of hand again. What does this have to do with nicknames? So, I went on a teeny tiny rant, so what! I’m back on track. Onward.

The last paragraph will be devoted entirely to my family. I can see my family reading this in horror. The fear is etched across their faces and they are saying, “Dad no, please, not that name, I hate it. Please be kind dad, please.” This is great I have them by the short hairs. Here we go! My family has nicknames for each other which they use in private. Not me. I like to use them outside so the whole world can hear them. A small example would be one of my grandsons who is now seven. Real name, you know the name his parents gave him at birth. Aaaron- 0ops I put an extra a. That doesn’t matter as I call him Mr. Squiggly. You ask, “How did I come up with that name?” Easy, he was always squirming around after birth. See how easy nicknames come. I was at the park one day with him when he was three and I called him over. A lady was standing nearby and after Mr. Squiggly returned to play she came over and asked me, “Is that his real name?” Knowing I had a rocket scientist in my mist I replied, “Yes. His full name is Mr. Squiggly James.” With a total look of amazement across her face she replied, “That is such a unique name.” She then turned and walked away-I am so bad, but I love it. That was just a little aside, don’t worry I am back on point. Okay as you can see from Aaron’s name I am sure you have figured out all my grandchildren have nicknames. Here we go, if I miss one of the sixteen this will be my last muse. I could go backwards and name them that way, but I don’t want to confuse you. So oldest to youngest:  Mr. Conversation, (one of many nicknames, as he is 23), Franco (female, try to figure that one out), The Entrepreneur, The Commandeer, Cisco, Lark, Mr. Squiggly, Pancho, Egypt, Chooch, Plain Jane, Bonnie and Clyde, Mugsy, Belle, and finally Juanita. Counted them and they are all there. Now when you have nothing better to do with your time, here are the boring names my daughters gave them at birth Ryan, Jane, Alexandria, Tamyko, Shane, Madison, Khayla, Malachi, Ava, Mackenzie, Danielle, Zoe, Joleisa, Aidan, and Skylar.

I have a great idea. Let’s see, how many of the trillion people out there can match the nicknames with the real ones. I already started you off with Mr. Squiggly. Okay all you reader jockeys get busy. Maybe I should give them some type of prize. Wait a second, am I nuts!? A prize!? No F-ing prize. Oops! Sorry I didn’t mean to use the F word.  Have to go now. My editor Animalise just called. I mean Annalise.

With Kindest regards, Judowolf