JudoWolf.com

This is the second section on the beginning of my wife’s diagnosis of MS, and the decisions we had to make. Over the next week we didn’t talk about her disease. Like all people who have been given life changing news we denied it. Our plate was already filled with other problems which had to be addressed. The major one was getting married. We had already started making wedding plans. Now, we had to decide if we were going to get married. She made it very clear that I should not marry her because of this disease. If I were to  marry her, she wanted me to be in it for the long haul. The disease belonged to her and by marrying her it would become ours. I knew how I felt now but what about ten years from now? Not only did I not have the answer but neither did anyone else. Due to my extensive medical background, I had dealt with caregivers and was familiar with the many problems they encountered. I would be a caregiver the rest of my life. How would that change my life? It was a choice of staying or walking. Once I made it there was no turning back. It was at this point that the conversations became extremely difficult. We bared our souls to each other. We discussed our fears. My wife was afraid of the disease but more concerned I would marry her out of pity. I loved this woman and didn’t want to leave her, but was afraid of the future. How long would she be able to care for herself? How would this disease affect our lives? These questions could not be answered. We talked and thought. We thought and talked. Then we realized we were closer than ever. The reason was because of the disease. Everything in life is a double edged sword, including MS. There is a good edge and a bad edge. Like most people who encounter this situation we focused only on the negative. Our conversation started to shift and as soon as we looked at MS as a blessing our outlook changed. With our eyes finally open the disease enabled us to see what was truly important in life. When people are diagnosed with a chronic disease they are so overwhelmed they never look at the swords good edge. Neither of us wanted the disease but it was now a part of my fiancee. A new part that I could accept or reject. I accepted this and now that we had our priorities in order we decided to get married.  The rest of the problems were still on our plate, but now were minor ones. Over the years there have been many setbacks, but there have been many joys too. You see my wife and I realized there is no guarantee in life.  Nobody knows the future, life whether you like it or not is a crap shoot. We live our lives everyday and have no regrets. It was the best decision I have ever made in my life. Being a caregiver has its ups and downs, but I would never trade it for anything. My wife on the other would gladly trade in her MS. However, MS does have a multitude of conditions, trading it in is not one of them.

We have been married 17 years, have fifteen more grandchildren, live in Florida, and are still happily married. Her disease has progressed slow and steady, but this has been aided by the new MS drugs. Over the years when people get to know us they often say to me, “Your wife is lucky to have you.”  My reply, “I’m lucky to have her”.” We are a team. She has the physical symptoms, which she always threatens me with. She states, “I would like to give MS to you for five minutes. Just to see how you would cope with it.” Then we laugh.

Laugh most of the time for if we don’t we will surely cry, and always remember the good edge on the sword. It has carried us through the last 17 years. To all MS patients we wish you the best of everything.

With kindest regards, Judowolf