RSS Feed
Twitter
January 7th, 2010 
JudoWolf Dying, is a world that only a few even talk about, let alone travel in for years. We all will travel this road at least once in our own lives. Whether we like it or not we are all born to die. In order to get there we have to go through deaths friend, dying. Most of us only see other people who are already dead at funerals or remember them at memorial services. The only time we view the dying process is if a loved one(in most cases family members or very close friends) is near the end of their life. Hospital personnel (nurses, chaplains, and social workers) are the ones who care for the dying. You, may have noticed that I didn’t mention doctors. When there is no more medical treatment available they usually disappear. The exception are the physicians who work for hospice. Hospice is a subject that I will deal with at a later time. The world of the dying is really all about the end of living. It brings out the very best and the very worse, in human beings. The ones who walk in this place and assist the dying for any length of time are special. The old saying that many are called but few are chosen is true. Some try to walk in this world and after a short period of time leave, as the stress is overwhelming. Others stay in this place to long and lose themselves. I entered into the world of the dying when I was twenty one. Many of you will say how can I remember that far back. When, the dying are children, you never forget. I worked at Wilford Hall Medical Center in San Antonio Texas as a medic for the USAF in the medical pediatric ward for three years, nine months, and three days. As you can see by how sure I was of the time that I would never forget.I was very very fortunate that I didn’t go to Vietnam, but had my own Vietnam on the ward. You see I worked with children from the ages of one day to 12 years. WHMC is the largest medical center in the AF and all the military dependents would be sent there if they could not receive the proper care at other bases. Subsequently, we cared for all, including terminally ill children with cancer and the majority with leukemia. This was where I first became acquainted with my old friend dying. I was totally devastated when my first patient died. He was 8, and I could not wrap my head around this lose. The emotions that assailed me at this time were overwhelming. I had not had a death in my family at this time and could not believe I was having so much difficulty adapting. How could I have lived thirteen more years then him. He never did anything wrong and how could God let this happen.You expect people to die of old age. If the person was 88 instead of 8 it was easy to justify. But 8., it was unfair. Why do some people die so young. They never had a change to see or do anything that I had been able to do. It sat in my head and no matter what I did I could not make it go away. Talking to my colleagues helped, but, I could not let it go. After the first death I hoped the next one didn’t happen on my shift. Avoid was the answer, yes that would work. But, I knew it was just a matter of time before another one of my patients would be dying on my watch. I continued caring for the other patients and time moved on. I was lucky for about two months and then it started again. A leukemia patient that I knew named Randy was readmitted. I knew I would be assigned to care for him. I went to my superior who was an old major. She had been working on the ward for the past 100 years and was getting ready to retire. She said it was my patient and I would take care of him. That was that. Period, end of story. I had known him for a year and his admission started a chain of events that enabled me to not only start my journey with dying, but come to a peace in my mind which enabled me to do this. The second event was the birth of my first daughter. During the pregnancy I was petrified that my baby would be born with some kind of birth defect or illness. When she was born I literally counted all her fingers and toes. This brought me to the conclusion that just because I worked with children who were sick it didn’t necessarily mean my children would also be sick. The third event was the institution of a new policy regarding our terminally ill patients. It simply stated that when a child was close to death a staff member would sit with the patients and the parents to provide comfort. It was to give the parents time to leave the room for a few minutes, hours or shifts to take care of their other children or just take a break. This was a tremendous help for the parents as they knew their child was not alone and would not die alone.There is nothing worse than a death watch as we use to call it. Forty years later it is still called that. Parents feel it is their duty to be there at the exact time of death. If they are not they feel they have abandoned their child. So ,I would sit with them in the room. Usually the child was awake, but eventually they would go into a coma. Most of the parents would sit on the bed with their child. They would provide emotional support by holding their hand or stroking their hair. All the parents would talk with their children for the last sense to go is hearing. The majority of the time I would just sit there and give silent support.( Silent support is the best support. Many people cannot sit in silence. What I found was that the silence created a serenity that many have never experienced.) The parents had no desire to discuss what was happening in the world outside the room,. The parents and child’s world was the room. I learned a lot sitting with these fine people. I learned what life was really about, how fleeting it was, and how brave both the children and parents were. As far as myself the most important thing was to have the privilege to be present. It was at these times that I realized they were not my children and I found I started to become more empathic than sympathetic. When I reached that stage I knew I was the best support I could be. It eventually got to the point that I was the one who sat with the patients that were dying all the time. Sitting in the rooms your mind wanders and I came to the following conclusion that each person was give an allotted among of time. Years are only numbers. It is true that a person can live a full life in a small number. I saw this forty years ago and have seen it ever since. When a child dies it is not only a very sad thing, but a relieve, as in most cases their suffering has ended. Eventually, Randy was readmitted and I was sitting with him and his parents. His parents were not in the room and we were sitting quietly. He asked for a sip of water and after I gave it to him I asked him if he was afraid to die. Smiling up at me he said afraid of what. I know I am dying and will miss my family, but as far as being afraid no. He died the next day. After I prepared the body and the parents had left the room my supervisor the old major, came in. How did it go she asked. I replied it was very peaceful. That’s good she said, they usually go that way. Why is that I asked? Simple, children don’t have the time to accumulate the baggage we have over the years. The longer we live the more baggage we have, so when dying comes along we fight Him tooth and nail. Children are much closer to the Source , and when He comes they are ready. I hope you liked this beginning missive on dying. More of my dying experience missives will be forth coming.
With kindest regards, Judowolf
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Posted in 
this was very moving. and just the thought of dealing with dying is overwhelming,i would not know what to do if i have to face the death of a child…not to mention mine…..good one judowolf