JudoWolf.com

1500!!! That sure seems like a large number. You are probably asking yourself how anyone could have that many relationships. I have. Yes, over my 60 years I can remember every single one of them. It would take me a long time to tell the story of everyone, but what the heck I have the time. Oops, I really don’t have that much time any longer. I use to but it would take me another 60 years. Believe me I would not want to be around at 120. Oh, I’m sorry I got carried away there. This is a musing about relationships, not old age. As I was saying, I have known a lot of people and my first relationship was with my mother in her womb. No, you cannot go back that far banana head. More recent would be better. Right more recent. Okay let’s see. Yesterday I played golf with the guys. I have a relationship with them. Let’s see, who I teed off with? Yes, I remember now. There was Big Red, Super Size, and Dribble (obviously these are nicknames to protect the innocent). This type of relationship would be called the playing with friends category. It is important when writing that you have these lists so people can keep up. My vast pool of relationships will encompass at least 25 categories. This is a simple category as you just play some type of sport with these people. The object is to harass, bad mouth, and try to distract them on every shot so you can win money. The more strokes you get the better. It didn’t matter about the money as I still lost but  made up for it on the insults. They can never keep up. Look at the nick names I gave them, that should be enough of a hint. Good. That was easy. On to the next category.

Um? There are so many it is hard to choose the next. Let’s go with, family. No, too much strife there. The category is loaded with issues and drama. Go on you can do it. No there is already too much written about this by the greatest gurus of our time. So, go and research it. Takes too long and I would probably be dead and never write the muse. You have six daughters, sixteen grandchildren, have been married twice, had 200 girlfriends, two brothers, and your mother is still alive. Go on, don’t be a wussy write about it. I dare you. Okay, but do I have to put in the issues and drama. Of course you do, that’s what family is all about. People will not like it. All they want is the sugar coated Cleavers. The what? The Cleavers you know the old TV show called Leave It to Beaver. Everything went wrong on the show but at the end they all lived happily ever after. I don’t remember that show I’m too young. Okay! Okay! Issues, let’s see every family in the whole wide world have them. I didn’t have them when I was a child. All issues were handled by my father. Need I say more? His method was quick and swift. Today, if my father was alive I would be visiting him in the Klink. That takes care of issues. Next is drama. Easy, we revert back to dad. Okay wise guy that was your childhood. What about today? Ah, yes. Let’s see. My mother is too old for either, so that eliminates her. My brothers live in other states so they are among the missing. Children now that is a good one. All six of them have many many issues and dramas. I will have to narrow it down to one. Number one daughter; too many to go into. Number two daughter will be upset if I wrote about number one sister, so she is eliminated. Number three daughter is overwhelmed according to her. I know overwhelmed is neither an issue or drama and I don’t have time to add another subject. Daughter number four is too sensitive and I would create a new drama. That is the one thing I never want to do. Daughter number five a good possibility. But! No, wouldn’t work, she would feel sorry for her other sisters if I wrote about her. Daughter number six, I could not possibility write about her as it would be unfair to her sisters. Overwhelmed! I am totally overwhelmed by this muse and you might as well throw in some issues and drama. Hey! You went off the track again. I did? Yes, this is a muse about relationships not issues and drama. Remember, you were going to write about love and affection and how great it was to go home. You mean like at Christmas, when the snow first falls and you walk in it with another family member and talk about the past. No, I recall the trip to get there. The plane that was delayed for four hours. Sleeping in the airport with 50,000 other happy people. The waiting and waiting and waiting. Running out of food at the airport. The only positive were the bathrooms till the toilets overflowed. Then getting on the plane and sitting on the runway for three hours with no food, water, or restrooms. Arriving at the home airport at 3am and my loved one complaining to me about how long he had to wait and why didn’t I take a different flight. Yes, that is drama and issues all rolled in one. Idea! We need one combined word for drama and issues. Let’s see we could call it issuedrama! I like it but, let’s try dramaissue! Nah! I know. Oh, I know. I have the perfect word for it. We will call it relationships. Perfect, I did it I wrote about relationships. There, now you cannot say a word about it. It wasn’t boring or deep. I hit all the key points that had to be covered. It had categories and lists. It wasn’t too long and I didn’t rant or rave. This is good. In my next muse on relationships I will be able to concentrate on one of my 1500 relationships.

With kindest regards, Judowolf